Telling Family & Friends

While some mothers do choose not to tell those in their lives about their pregnancies, most mothers who have been through an unplanned pregnancy would advise you to tell at least one person if not a handful of those who are closest to you. Not an easy task by any measure, sharing the truth may be easier than living a lie, not only for the duration of your pregnancy but for an undetermined amount of time. Lies and secrets can take a toll on those around them and, once out in the open, can harm or fully break relationships. It is better in the long run for everyone involved if you share about the pregnancy and the possible adoption.

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It is normal to be concerned about how your family members and friends will accept this information. Fear of that unknown reaction is often what causes mother to tell lies or keep their pregnancy and adoption plan a secret. Truth be told, their first reaction might be one of anger, shock, disappointment or any other number of negative responses. Do realize that their initial responses may change over time as they come to accept things that they cannot change and learn to deal with the news. Give them time to think, reflect and ask questions. Try to be patient with them as they hopefully come to a place of understanding and acceptance.

If you are completely unable to tell certain family members or friends on your own, you might want to involve an impartial third party such as a counselor, adult friend or religious leader. Having a mediator present could help voices stay in the normal conversation range instead of sky-rocketing to yelling in a short amount of time. Other mothers who weren't handy with words have written letters to explain the situation. Only you will be able to determine what will work best for your particular situation.

In the end, no mother deserves to be left entirely unsupported during a pregnancy. While telling friends and family members may be a difficult thing to find the courage to do, having the support of even one person during this tumultuous time could make a great amount of difference in how you feel about yourself, the pregnancy, the baby and your available options. You don't have to do this alone!