This is a list of questions gathered over the years from birthmothers who regretted not asking them. As you go through the list if you find familiar things, write them down and make sure you ask them yourself.
Never asked (but wish I had)...
… my parents if they would help me raise my baby.
… if there was help for me, and what kind, if I chose to parent.
… how adoptees feel about being adopted.
… my daughter's adoptive parents how they would talk about adoption to my daughter.
… what happens when an open adoption turns closed.
… if I could have spent more time with my baby in the hospital.
… what semi-open really meant.
… how my son's adoptive parents' families felt about adoption.
… if the adoptive parents would leave my involvement up to my son for, "When he's ready to know we'll tell him."
… other birthmothers how hard the grieving would be.
… the agency who would be handling the correspondence between the adoptive parents and me and how they would handle it.
… my counselor about helping my parents with their grief.
… how to respond to people who criticized me for doing what I did.
… what open, semi-open, and closed adoption really were in full definition and what was legally recognized by the state.
…about support groups and help as I started planning my future.
…what would happen if the adoptive parents starting having doubts about openness and who would help us through it.
… if I could meet other birthmoms to talk to before placement.