Dealing With Doubt

Once you've gone forward with the choice of adoption, you may still experience doubt. In fact, it would be uncommon if you didn't. Many birthmothers talk of a sense of peace they experience once their choice has been made. This peace comes as a relief, feeling that you've finally made a choice and can now go forward. This doesn't mean that you will never wonder if you've made the best choice.

The closer you get to the end of your pregnancy, you may feel more and more doubt. "Can I actually go through with this?" or, "Have I really chosen the best parents?" and even, "What if I change my mind?" These questions are normal so don't feel that something is wrong.

You may even experience doubt years after your placement, as many birthmothers do. Often, years later, when faced withchanges your life circumstances, both positive and negative, you may doubt your decision. This is normal.

When doubt creeps up don't ignore it. Here are some situations from other birthmothers who dealt with doubt:

"Sometimes I would panic. I mean, really panic. Fortunately I had a great counselor at my agency and I could call her at home. She would ask me what I was feeling and she'd write it all down. Of course, I didn't know she was writing it at the time. Then, at our next meeting at the agency she would pull out the list and show it to me. Because I wasn't panicking during our meetings I could really sit down and think about what I had said and what I was feeling; rationally. By the time I relinquished, I'd learned so much about myself that I felt really confident about my choice."

"I have two really great friends that I trust. Whenever the "what ifs" starting coming, I'd call them and the three of us would get together for a "what if session." I'd throw out my doubts and they'd throw in some more and we'd all just talk them through. By the time we were done with a session together I felt really great. Like a huge burden was lifted. I always had doubts, and I still even do, but being able to talk about them and get feedback makes me feel safe and not so overwhelmed."

Remember, doubt is a healthy emotion. When we doubt we are asking ourselves questions that really need answering. Allow yourself the time and energy to explore your doubts as best you can and you will experience a greater peace about your choice.