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When you give birth to a child, even if you’ve made an adoption plan, you’re the legal parent until you sign the Termination of Parental Rights, and in some cases even appear in front of a judge. What that means is that you have the legal right to make any and all decisions concerning the care and well being of your child. It also means you have the legal right, just as all other parents do, to place any name you choose on the original birth certificate.

Open adoption, and all it entails.

Open adoptions have become more common over the last decade, and with then has come more confusion. Open adoptions afford everyone the opportunity to get to know each other before, during and after the adoption. It can also be a little smothering, especially when you are in the hospital. It's important to remember that when you are in the hospital, before the Termination of Parental Rights, that is your time with your child. Don’t be afraid to voice your desires. If you want alone time, let everyone know, that is your right. Remember, you are the parent until you’ve signed the papers.

What about pictures, bracelets and other nifty hospital stuff?

That stuff is yours! Make sure you’ve made your demands known to your agency representative or attorney before you terminate your rights. Also, it's helpful to discuss these issues with the hospital staff, so they don't exclude important information from your discharge packet, primarily the first photograph, identification numbers, and contact information for ordering. Also, include this in your birth plan, so there are no surprises! (More on the birth plan a little later.)

The law says I have to wait a certain number of hours before I terminate.

Most states require that you wait a certain number of hours or days before you can sign relinquishment papers, but that doesn’t mean you have to sign them as soon as that time has come. If you need more time, or you don’t want to sign them while you are still in the hospital, then don't. That's your right. If you'd rather sign them at the agency, let the social worker know.

What about a hospital birth plan?

When you are making an adoption plan, it’s important to make a hospital birth plan too, so everyone knows what to expect while at the hospital. This can be as complex or as basic as you want it.

Things you might want to outline in your birth plan are

The function of the birth plan is to eliminate surprises, and to inform everyone of what your desires are before you actually reach the hospital.

It's also important to discuss your birth plan with a staff member at the hospital where you will be delivering. They are there to protect your privacy as well as your needs. If you feel you are being treated badly, talk to your social worker and/or ask to speak to the Director of Nurses, and complain. You are NOT a second-class person; you have all the same rights as anyone else giving birth in the hospital.

Who is entitled to information about my adoption plan?

No one outside of the medical team working with you during labor and delivery has to know. If you choose to advise the medical facility that you have an adoption plan, they are obligated under privacy laws not to share your information with anyone else.

I had a birth plan, but I wasn't expecting all of this emotion; now what?

OK, the birth plan is a basic outline of your needs and desires; you aren't committed to adhering to it if you aren't comfortable. If your needs change, that's OK, just let someone know. Again, don't be afraid to voice your wishes. This is your time!

I'm unsure; how do I know this is the right thing for everyone involved?

You wouldn't be normal if you didn't have this feeling, and it's OK. Talk with your birthparent advocate or agency counselor and if you are close to the adoptive parents, talk with them too. You might also consider taking the baby home for a day or two to make sure you've made the right decision; until your rights have been terminated, this is your right!